Happy birthday to me! I have reached the ripe old age of 54.While I do not yet feel ready to look in the mirror and see someone of that age looking back at me, I also know that I will never again see somone that young in my mirror, and so I rejoice in this day. The creator has scooped up piles of fluffy, mashed-potato-clouds to heap in the bowl of the sky, but She has also left glorious patches of brilliant blue peeking through. There is a gentle breeze playing tag with the clouds, and the air is pleasantly warm. I have the love of my two daughters and my husband, and my world is a wonderful place to be.

   This one is to my fellow members of my half of the species. I've been following the Olympics with a great deal of interest. I watch them on the Canadian channel CBC, where "MR. BIG" (in his mind, anyway) is Brian Williams. He anchors the broadcasts, and frequently subjects viewers to expressions of his opinions on whatever is transpiring. Supposedly, his "youthful enthusiasm" endears him to all. Nope, that just isn't the case.Yesterday, we were shown a little of the women's hammer throw. The competitors were strong women who obviously had trained every bit as much as anyone else, for their event. When the camera came to Mr. Big-Ego, he began to tell the audience that the summer games were "getting too big" and that the IOC had said they needed to cut out some of the games. Instead, they keep adding, says he, and then he drops his little pea-brain bombshell. "I have to question the relevancy of the women's hammer throw.", says he. Are you trying to tell us that the women's event should be eliminated while the men's is retained, Brian? If so, exactly which criteria did you use to reach this little decision of yours? You know what, Brian? I have to question the relevancy of YOU!

   Talking about the heartbreak for Canadian athletes today in Athens, there are two stories to be told. The first one to come to everyone's mind, I am sure, is that of Perdita Felicien. The second should be that of Akos Sandor.
   Perdita said herself that she did not know what had happened to her on the track. Her right foot hit that hurdle, sending her flying. Now she has to begin the daunting task of somehow dealing with the bitter disappointment. She has spent so much time training, striving toward the day when she hoped to bring home the gold, but at least the dream she was chasing was her own. The sad thing about Sandor is that it seems the dream he was chasing was his father's, and not his own.
   The elder Sandor was part of the Hungarian team that would have competed in the Los Angeles games, if politics had not intervened. Life can deal out some hard knocks like that. Felicien found that out today, and for all the people telling her that she is young and can still look forward to the next Olympics, the reality is that today's chance may never come again for her. That's not what the elder Sandor seemed willing to acknowledge, however, so he focused his frustrated hopes on his son, Akos. He became his coach, in the sport of weightlifting, and began his wait for the moment when he could live the step up to the podium, vicariously, through his son. Before his son made his first attempt today, his father was interviewed. He said among other things,"I have been waiting for this moment." Shouldn't he have been talking about his son? His use of the first person says it all. When his son did make his first attempt, he was unsuccessful. The same thing happened with his second attempt, and then finally, with his third and last. Although Akos had previously lifted heavier weights, a smaller amount defeated him today. The emotional pain on his face was a raw, open wound. His father steered that man through years of striving toward the wrong person's dream. He spent years steering him toward that moment today, when he failed. What a crushing heartbreak to visit upon your own child.

   I'm feeling so domestic. On today's list of to-dos was preshrinking some cotton fabric. Any of you sewing-needle wielders know what I'm talking about. Before you put in the time working on the piece, you have to thoruoghly wet the cloth and then put it in the dryer. If you don't do this, even if you put in careful hours at the sewing machine, the garment is existing on borrowed time. The first time you do wash it, being cotton, it will shrink, and that's probably the end of the item's life expectancy.
   I want to create a couple of tops for my youngest daughter, who has attained the glorious height of six feet. The only problem is that her heght is not regarded as glorious by the fashion industry. People say "Oh, she should be a model. The big names are all tall women now!" Yeah? Why hasn't anyone told the clothing stores? While there are some items that she can buy wherever she wants, she is limited on the availability of many others. They are not long enough in the inseam, if they are pants, or not long enough in the sleeves and body if they are tops. How to get around this? Well, here in Toronto, one of the main options is to toddle off to the "Tall Girls' Shop". They sell apparel for women from 5' 8" and up. So what's the complaint about this? Because it is a 'specialty store', their price tags are always higher than you'd see anywhere else. That means that if you don't have the cash to ignore the price tag, you buy at sales only, or you do some sewing. I'm lucky. I was taught how to sew by my mother, who worked in a tailoring shop, back in the days of "Toronto the Good". She taught me many of the tricks of the trade, so that I can do things like take a pattern and give it the extra two inches in the length that my daughter needs. I personally like McCall's patterns, and #2094 is the one I'll be cutting on that cotton.
   How about you? Are you one of the lucky ones, able to fit the fashions wherever you choose to shop, or do you find yourself in the same position as my daughter, 'hemmed in' by your height? What do you do about the problem?

I couldn't very well let the Olympics go by without getting in on the commentary at least once, now could I? I am Canadian, born and bred, so I'll add my voice to the comments about the Canadian performance. People are questioning why our showing has been so poor, and many are answering with "we did our best", as if that should be enough. The only problem is that the judges don't award the medals for personal bests. To win gold, you have to be the best in the whole field of competition.
When I listen to all the fuss being made, I hear a lot of it in terms of the approach being emphasized in our schools. Competition has become a bad word in our classrooms. We aren't teaching the kids that they will have to face challenges in life. We aren't helping them to learn that, when you encounter one, you work to surmount it. If it defies your first efforts, you have to get determined. You have to give it your all. You also have to learn, however, that if it still is beyond your grasp, you accede gracefully to those who can master it, and then you move on. The real world out there doesn't give smiles and pats on the head, just because someone tried their best. You achieve what is demanded or you are not acknowledged. Is competing to be the best wrong? Ask yourself. If you needed to have brain surgery, would you want to know that the person about to open up your skull had "tried their best" at med school, or would you rather they had graduated at the top of the class? Is competing to be the best wrong? Would any major corporation promote someone to the position of CEO simply because they tried their best? If that company still wants to be solvent next week, they must have a proven performer sitting in that chair. Is competing to be the best really so wrong?
Why do we pussyfoot about in the classrooms, and mess with the students' ability to cope with reality? The Public Speaking Competition that used to daunt so many has now become a thing of the past. Many did suffer sweaty palms and get tongue-tied when it was their turn in front of the class, but those with public speaking abilities could take the day. The rest of them learned the lesson that you have to face a lot of tasks in life that aren't going to be your personal choice for favourite. You have to do them anyway. In our schools, however, it no longer happens that way. Now we have "Speaking Celebrations" and everyone is encouraged to get up there. There are no more standards to meet. If they hem and haw their way through less than a minute of the poorest perfromance in recorded history, they still are praised and given a ribbon. If they shine and truly give a gem of a speech, they are praised and given a ribbon. Now there's real incentive to strive for peak performance! Every one of the students knows that those ribbons have absolutely no significance at all.
There used to be an acknowledgement of the fact that not everyone is a number one. Those who are, will win the prizes. Not everyone is gifted at science. Those who are, will take the prize for best science project. Not everyone is the best basketball player in the school. Those who are, should be chosen for the team. Not anymore. I have had the experience of being asked to coach a team, and then being told to place kids on it, "to encourage them to behave better". I'm talking here about kids who give every indication that they are headed for time behind bars. The idea is thay'll be "nicer" if we put them on the team. The reality is the team loses, because we have not emphasized achievement. Get some special programs going for those kids, for sure. But don't screw the rest of the team. Are we out to win, or not?
The popular theory is that if we have outright competitions, the same people will win each time. The "ordinary" students will never find themselves being handed the award. That is now deemed to be wrong. It's thought to be harmful to the motivation of the ordinary student. Well, wait a minute here, folks! What about the motivation of those out-of-the-ordinary? What are we doing to them? Are we beginning to see the results of what we've been doing to that, out there in Athens? The reality of the world outside the classroom is that most will never stand in the winner's circle. Most will never be singled out as super achievers and given the resultant recognition. That is, quite simply, the way of the world. Be glad that there are others who do surpass you, especially if you ever have to lie down on that table in the Operating Room.

   Be forewarned. I am about to wax eloquent about a cereal. Now, for those of you who did not join the thundering hordes stampeding for the exit ... here goes! The cereal in question is Red River Cereal, brought to your grocer's shelves by Robin Hood Multifoods Inc. They have been producing this wonderful food for 75 years, and it truly is wonderful. Admittedly, you may find it a bit of an acquired taste. My daughters say it looks like I'm pouring a measure of bird seed into the pot to cook, and according to them, it looks no more inviting once it's off the burner and into the bowl. What do they know?
   I'll tell you a few of the things I know about it. First, the ingredients. Have you ever read the list on the side of a "cold cereal" box? It's long and complicated, and nine times out of ten, contains the word sugar, as well as various chemicals, one of which may be explained as a 'preservative'. Why do you need to feed yourself all that? Read the list on the Red River box, and you'll see "cracked wheat. cracked rye, flax (cracked and whole)". That's it. That's all. Part of what's wonderful about this cereal is how that short little list of ingredients translates into such a long list of benefits.
   I'm sure you're aware of the buzz about essential fatty acids , and omege-3 fatty acids. We're told that we in North America do not get enough of these, and/or that our diet provides us with an imbalance of the omega-3's, giving us a higher concentration of the one we should get less of, in ratio to the other. What to do, for the quick and easy fix, the solution sought by so many? One of the answers diet gurus give you is increase your consumption of fish, but just any fish will not do. Canned tuna,(quick and easy, right?) will not help. Salmon? Sure, but there's a caveat! You really want to know where that salmon comes from before it makes its way onto your fork. Another place to look for an answer is in flax, which gives you two times the omega-3 content of fish oils, and if you remember that list of ingredients I quoted ...
   People have been using flax for approximately 5,000 years. It's a part of the production of linen, as well as a part of breakfast! It can spell relief and a preventative measure for the sufferers of diverticulitis, and it's a great source of the fibre that every single one of us needs, whether we want to discuss it or not! It's also a good source of potassium. Something interesting to know about potassium is that it's instrumental in the control of blood pressure. For those of you with blood pressure high enough that your doctor has put you on diuretics to control it, I wonder if s/he also explained to you that those drugs deplete your body of potassium, and can thereby make the control of the blood pressure even harder to achieve? It's not the kind of thing that a lot of MD's discuss with their patients. (Why is that, do you think? I suspect some of them just don't realize that they should. They simply trust to the first drug making everything "OK". Then, if their patient is discovered down the road to have developed a potassium deficiency, they will send them off with a second prescription for potassium. Some of the others, though, do not deign to discuss much with mere mortals such as their patients. They are the ones who feel sure that MD actually stands for "Medical Deity") Again, look to flax, because it gives you a real boost of potassium. Now, if you accompany that steaming bowl of cereal with a potassium-rich banana, you're laughing at that deficiency!
   Want more facts? Well, have you heard about the diet theory out of Purdue University, that people should try to eat more like their hunter-gatherer forebears, and less like those who first started practicing agriculture about 10,000 years ago? So much to think about in that little bowl of cereal sitting in front of you! If you want to effect some changes in your way of eating, cooking a cereal to start your day with is a good one to consider. The good people at Robin Hood Multifoods have acknowledged the need for speed in our working mornings, and come out with a microwaveable version of the cereal. Take the time to look for it, and give it a try. Toss a handful of raisins in with the cereal as you cook it, and you've added to the fibre, the iron content, and the taste. Be good to yourself, and take some time each day to invest in your health. You're important.

   This month is my birthday. It also happens to be the birth month of a very dear friend of mine. Her day is on the 29th, mine on the 31st. We have been friends for over twenty years now, and if the heavens are willing, we will have two times twenty more years. For a long time now, we have set aside a weekend in August to get together and celebrate our birthdays. It doesn't so much matter what we do, as long we do it together. Through the years, each of us has had times to cry, but on these weekends, we focus on laughter. The world has been a better place for me, because of her.
    To you, my friend, may there always be flowers to please your eyes, the gentle touch of the sun to caress your cheek, and the love of those close to you to warm your heart.

   It was a rainy day here in Toronto today, and I had to be out driving in it. It's not driving in rain, or any other weather, that bothers me. It's the other drivers out on those days that provide the problems, and there was one of them out today, just waiting for me to come along. I had taken my youngest daughter to an appointment at a medical centre. We were all finished and back in the car, ready to drive out. The drive-lanes are crowded there, and every inch of space is used, so I had to stop my car for a moment to check on exactly where the exit was, before proceeding toward it. I saw movement out of the corner of my left eye, and realized that the car parked there was beginning to back up toward me. The driver did not stop and I had only a moment to honk my horn before she hit us. Now let me see ... what is it you're supposed to do at the moment when you have hit someone? Oh yeah, get out of your car and start the exchange of pertinent information. Not this broad! I'm already into PARK and starting to open my door when I realize she is putting her car into DRIVE and leaving! She drove forward and away, going pretty fast for being in a parking lot. Obviously, she must have hoped that I would not have had time to see her license plate. Sorry, honey! I got your number and promptly drove to the nearest Collision Reporting Centre, where I gave your plate number and all the details to the OPP. You stupid idiot! I just know what you were like as a kid at school. You were one of those brain-dead morons who would do something wrong, see the teacher looking right at you while you did it, and then immediately say "I didn't do it!" The problem is, you never grew up, did you? You're still a selfish, dishonest, mental midget who has no concept of taking responsibility for your actions. It's just a shame that you and others like you are allowed behind the wheel of a car.

It's time for another book response. (I do not like the tern "review" - sounds too much like a school assignment.) I just finished reading "Necessary Dreams, Ambition in Women's Changing Lives" written by Anna Fels, published by Pantheon Books, New York. The author writes about how women perceive and cope with ambition and accomplishment. She works carefully first to establish a definition of ambition and then takes a good, hard look at the popular supposition that it "goes against the very nature of women". Then she does what for many will sound her credibility's death knell. She challenges current theories about the mind-set and needs of men.All 14 chapters seem to be a rewording of the same message; the message that she endlessly pounds home; the message that she relentlessly hammers into the reader's brain. Unless a woman is willing to risk the opprobrium society will heap on her should she dare to go against the prescribed norms, at some point in her life, she will be expected, for the sake of some other, to put her plans and dreams on hold, and thereby risk losing them entirely. Why should such a thing be expected of her? As a married couple's life progresses, for instance, there are several scenarios that could play themselves out to this conclusion. If the husband is offered a job in another city, the usual expectation is that the couple will move, for him to follow up on this great opportunity.She is generally expected to defer to him, no matter what her current state of affairs might be. "It has been suggested, for example, that women have a greater capacity for empathy than men, making it more painful for them not to gratify (italics my own) the wishes of others..." Fels cites studies and quotes research to prove that women actually have less difficulty pursuing their own goals and gratification when "they believe that their actions will not be known by male peers." This, of course, makes it nearly impossible for many a female not to place herself and her needs second to her husband, and for that matter, to damn near every male they encounter through life. She talks about the upsurge in the "wedding industry" , in spite of how many unions end in divorce, and suggests that this is so especially because it is the one day when a woman is entitled to expect that she will come first. After that, it is a downhill slide.What to do about affecting change in this state of affairs? Says Fels, many of the gains made by women in the last century have entailed losses for men, and these "commodities have not been relinquished without a bitter fight." Women's roles cannot be changed without having impact on the lives of men, but changed they must be. We can not turn back the clock on the gains made already, nor ignore the further work that needs to be done. Fels makes the point that if this change is to come about, a society-wide shift in values must take place. The "mandates of femininity" assume that a woman will subordinate her needs to those of others, particularly her husband. Despite the increasingly necessary participation of women in the workforce, no-one from the government to those husbands has been willing to assume the various costs involved in providing the labour-intensive housework and child-care that women traditionally did for "free". "Most men (and our government is run largely by men) believe that the work women do in the home is one of men's entitlements." Men would like to believe, says Fels that such work is "neither their problem nor their responsibility." Obviously, therefore, if such work has to be done, it falls to the women. The question is how to climb the ladder of success with a baby on your hip? After spending 255 pages convincing you it is damn near hopeless, she gives all of tow paragraphs - that's all, just two - to suggesting there is any light at the end of the tunnel. She tells women to look to the example of "Grey Power" and how seniors organizing themselves into a political lobby group with some clout should be their model and their hope for change.This is not a book that can be read lightly, not if you are a woman, or a man who genuinely cares about any woman. Our mothers, our daughters, our sisters and aunts, all are struggling under a yoke that might even seem not to be there at first glance. Here in our rich country, why should we believe anyone struggles under such a burden? There are so many women's stories to hear. Where should you start to listen? Why not start with the successful looking woman, the one dressed in Wall Street attire, holding an ice pack to her head? She'll be holding it against the bruise she got from banging her head on the glass ceiling.

    Freedon of speech in America the beautiful? Well, let's see ... seems that entertainer Linda Ronstadt made waves at the LasVegas hotel-casino Aladdin last week when she dedicated her singing of the Eagles' hit "Desperado" to Michael Moore and lauded his making of the movie "Fahrenheit 9/11". A number of club-goers got up and left the amphitheatre, tearing down posters on their way out, and then demanding a refund. The management escorted her out and she was told she would never again be invited to perform there. I just bet that broke her heart! Get over it, people. Why does she have to hold the same views as you? That's not the way your supposed democracy is meant to be. Sounds like the schoolyard all over again, where the bully lets everyone know that they play his way, or he'll take his toys and leave.

PARDON MY CYNICISM

   On Thursday, here in Toronto, an interesting scene played itself out to a strange conclusion. Two men driving in a van were rear-ended, and became so angry when the driver responsible failed to stop, that they drove in pursuit of him. They chased him for some distance until they saw the vehicle ram into a hydro pole and burst into flames. At that point (the two are quoted as saying) 10 to 20 people gathered about and stood doing nothing while the driver inside screamed for help. He could not get out. Then, the two that he had rear-ended moments earlier, broke the windshield so they could get him out and save his life. How incredibly lucky this criminal type was, to have encountered two people so unlike himself. You have to wonder just how far the others would have taken their spectatorship. You can imagine them starting to place bets on how long before the car exploded, or maybe how long until the trapped driver stopped screaming. Can you just see someone pulling out a camcorder and getting some nice home movies? Some hotdogs would materialize, seemingly out of nowhere, followed magically by some buns. Everyone could have toasted them over the flames, and chatted it up a bit, maybe exchanging some phone numbers and making a new friend or two.
   My apologies if I sound macabre or even cynical about my species, but I've taught school for too long. It's not just the "herd instinct" we had at work here. That theory supposes that the good folk are simply frozen by the need for someone to "go first". It should follow then, that when someone else does take the initiative, the rest would be freed up to join in. This story from Toronto blasts big holes in that cozy little theory. There are no details of others joining in the rescue efforts once the two pursuers got things started. No, I've seen exactly this kind of thing too often in the classroom. One group of students after another has taught me that it doesn't work that way. There are too many who react to such scenes by taking the time first to calculate the danger it would place them in, and then, exactly what recompense they could expect for tackling the whole thing. They do not think "Someone else will surely help". Instead, they think, "Why should I do anything? Count me out." Then they watch to see how much entertainment there might be in it for them. They watch without any feeling of compassion. They watch without emotion. So many of our species have no feeling for anyone but themselves.

   The latest dose of inanity has been released by the Vatican. Their 37 page document "On the Collaboration of Men and Women in the Church and in the World" prompted Frances Kissling, president of the U.S.-based Catholics for a Free Choice to say "I thought for sure I was in the 1960's and Archie Bunker had been appointed theologian to the Pope". We could only wish, Ms. Kissling. Dear old Archie would be an incredible step forward for that bastion of misogyny-disguised-as-religion that is the Vatican. In their document they hammer home, again, their Dark Ages view that woman must be mother, or she must be virgin. They see nothing else for her. They offer nothing else. They are sadly outdated chauvinists. Sadly, they influence far too many of the world's population.