The Idiot Alert Files Welcome Catherine Zeta-Jones

It seems the lovely Catherine has more money than she has brains and it's weighing down the pockets of her designer duds, so she has to be constantly searching for ways to lessen the burden. Thank heavens she found one at a salon in South Kensington. The good folks there fly Beluga caviar from Iran in for the star, five days before she wants a treatment for her hair. The buzz is that each time she has her mane plastered with fish eggs, her pockets end up $400.00 lighter. The treatment starts with a truffle-based shampoo, then proceeds to the roe. Imagine some prankster being able to smuggle a truffle-hunting pig into the salon. I wonder if Micheal Douglas finds himself fighting strange urges to slap a few strands of her hair between some crackers every time she comes home from a treatment.
The American war machine is always on the lookout for hidden weapons of mass destruction. Do you think they know that Catherine Zeta-Jones is helping to keep one going right under their very noses? Obviously, the mentally challenged actress has never had it explained to her that poverty is a weapon of mass destruction. I'm sure her "incredibly rich and vibrant" hair could look just as lovely after a good lathering-up with Suave shampoo. Then the mental midget could figure out the cost difference, (or have her accountant do it for her if the math is too hard) and send it off to a Third World children's charity.
Don't hold your breath on this one, however. I'm betting Zeta-Jones can't quite muster up enough active brain cells to understand the concept of compassion involved.