The Idiot (Giggle) Alert (Giggle) Files Revisited

Move over, current members. You have to make room for the U.S. Army contractors who filed a report recently about coins being circulated here in Canada with subversive radio frequency transmitters embedded in them. Thank God those stalwarts came up here to check on the bloody pinko Canucks sneaking around north of the 49th. Them thar' Yanks know they can't trust us any further than they can throw us.
These ever-vigilant contractors filed their confidential espionage accounts about coins they found "filled with something man-made that looked like nano-technology". Nano-technology! Everyone scream and run for the hills.
The Associated Press has learned this giggle-worthy news from once-classified U.S. government reports. Apparently, the coins carefully described by these worthies from south of the border are the poppy quarters issued in remembrance of our war dead. Poppy, you say? What kind of carefully guarded secret is this "poppy" thing? No wonder the Americans couldn't figure it out. Who the hell has ever heard of a poppy? And even worse - who would ever put one on a coin to honour their fallen heroes?
Giggle-worthy is right. Can you just picture these morons, holding a poppy quarter up to their mouths, saying "Come in, come in" repeatedly. It would have been worth a pretty penny to be a fly on the wall that day in their hotel room when they uncovered the perfidious plot being perpetrated north of the 49th.
Gentlemen, step up to the podium and receive your membership certificates. Not to worry about embarrassing yourself by trying to read all them there complicated words. We promise not to use the word "poppy".